I miss you. I miss the way you smell, the warmth of your hand in mine. I miss cooking for you, and sitting next to you at the dinner table. I miss putting my feet on you in bed, and praying. Nothing will be the same. You have changed my life, and those of our children.
I can't imagine all the things you had wanted to say during those final days when you could no longer speak, but honey, I already knew. Your strength amazes me. I was reading in your journal about the pain you were really in. I never knew how bad it really was because you hid it so well.
It was an honor to care for you, to hold you in my arms on that last day as your mom and I bathed you. I wrapped my arms around you not knowing it would be the last time. I am so grateful for that moment.
When your spirit left you at 9:50 on Monday morning, part of my heart went with you. It was replaced with the spirit you left in me. I have felt at peace just knowing you are free, you are with God. From this I have drawn the strength to get up each morning and carry on just like you wanted me to.
I wish I could have done more. I know you would tell me I did enough. I miss you more than I can even express. But my life is not empty, you gave me a family that has surrounded me with the same love they always showed you. Each day, I strive to live the life you wanted me to live. Thank you for teaching me that, I am enough just as I am. Thank you for sharing your life with me. In two years, you gave me enough to last a lifetime. I carry you with me. I will see you again.
All my love,
Mandy Baby
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